“Austin? Austin, Massachusetts?”

By Kurt Hunzeker (with some copy points provided by the movie Road Trip)

In January 1999, during my last semester of college at Thee University of Missouri, (and before MasterCard’s advertising showcased two college barnstorming the country to see every Major League Baseball ballpark in one summer), I wanted to set out on a chronicled, corporate-backed “road trip” to see every MLB and select Minor League Baseball ballparks during the summer of 1999, before I started a job as the low-man-on-the-totem-pole in “the real world.”

The deal I made with myself was that this idea was a go if I didn’t land a full-time, paying job by April 15, 1999. So I had to get going to find my corporate friends who would ultimately fund this misadventure, because everyone knows that would-be graduates don’t really have something called a “savings account.”

My beloved 1987 Volkswagen Golf (with its mismatched, multi-blue hued panels) would serve as my Enterprise on my trek across the U.S. of A. I was not only prepared but welcoming the opportunity to NASCAR my ride and slap corporate sponsor decals all over “The Turtle” as I affectionately called the Volkswagen. It would have help cover the multi-blue Technicolor paint scheme I was sporting back then.

But which corporate partners would be perfect fits for this journey, and why exactly would they even want to be associated with a guy like me?

“Invested? Who are you, Charles Schwab? Would you listen to yourself? I would give my life for one night of consensual sex with her.”

I needed investors, but not just any old investor. Much like running a team’s corporate partnerships division, I had certain categories that would be perfect fits for the Road Trip of ’99 and categories that would benefit from a promotional platform such as a 22-year-old avoiding the real-life “Office Space.”

If you are traveling cross-country for 3-4 months, in a car that may or may not make it through to the end, where will most of the expenditures go?

1) Food
2) Drink
3) Shelter
4) Gas

And what would I use the most?

5) Bank/Credit Card
6) Post Office

With my six primary categories in place, it was time to start pitching my idea….

“Unleash the fury!”

Similar to a deadly snake preparing to kill a little hamster, I was targeting select companies in each of the aforementioned categories:

1) Food – Subway, Quiznos (I eat relatively healthy; and these chains can be found just about everywhere)
2) Drink – Coca-Cola, Gatorade, Powerade, Aquafina, YooHoo (Red Bull wasn’t as big then)
3) Shelter – Holiday Inn, Ramada, Best Western, Westin
4) Gas – Chevron, Exxon, Shell, Mobil (before it merged with Exxon)
5) Bank/Credit Card – my trusty MBNA card
6) Post Office – for sending postcards from every ballpark to my older brother, because he would have been jealous

I wrote what resembled a cover letter for a job opening more than a pitch for sponsorship funding. I gave a quick description of myself and why I was going to undertake this journey and why it would benefit said company to sponsor this particular piece of “inventory.”

“I just said we'd make it across. I didn't say anything about the wheels staying on.”

What I provided sponsors consisted solely on public relations value, with some branding thrown in (again, NASCARing my car). Once I set my routing schedule, I would send press releases to media outlets in every city I would visit over the course of that summer. I would invite news crews to ride along with me if they wanted to, interview me throughout the summer (a la “Where in the world is Matt Lauer?”) or snap photos of my Subway, Snapple, Holiday Inn and Exxon-branded Volkswagen. Even through online marketing was in its infancy, I would have found someone or someway to update my traveling journal online…much like this blog.

Sponsors would have their logos seen by everyone I passed on the road, in all of the free press I planned on securing and hopefully some teams would have me drive around their warning tracks to raise awareness for the charitable arm of this adventure…Alzheimer’s disease research.

With my letters sent out, all I had to do was wait for the offers to pour in….

“Anytime you pass up sex, you're cheating on yourself.”

And I did receive one offer…for a full-time job working at what still is the coolest place I have ever worked, The Zipatoni Company in St. Louis. This offer came on April 9, 1999. I couldn’t possibly pass it up, so my dream baseball road trip ended.

The week before graduation, I received a letter from someone at Holiday Inn stating that while they “only sponsored properties and/or charitable causes that reach a large audience,” the Dear John letter did contain a great handwritten note from someone named Jeff:

“For what it’s worth, you have balls, my friend.”

Words I still live by today. Thanks, Jeff.