"I'm just a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude."

"I'm just a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude."
by Kurt Hunzeker (with some copy points provided by the movie Tropic Thunder)

Remember me? Considering it's been almost 13 months, a lot has happened:

1. New job.
2. New posts on The Business of Sports Network.
3. "Lost" flashes backwards and forwards.

And some things remain the same:

1. Cubs still have yet to win a World Series.
2. Jack Bauer has not come back on the air.
3. Teams still need help with their collective creativity.

I mean seriously...Bowling Green Cave Shrimp?

"Same thing happened to me. They found me in a back alley when I thought I was Neil Armstrong and was trying to reenter the Earth's atmosphere in a refrigerator box."

Name-the-team contests are good for one thing only...database capture. If someone decided to take 15 minutes of his/her time to either submit or nominate "Bowling Green Cave Shrimp," then A) they want to connect with the team, and/or B) they rely on Wikipedia waaaaay too much, and/or C) they have smoked/inhaled/injected/drank waaaaay too much in their past.

Is the sports world really out of suitable nicknames? The seven finalists for the baseball team-formerly-known-as-the Columbus Catfish are really, really, really, really not good. "Mammoths" being the lone exception, and by "exception," I mean that it is just really, really, really not good.

I don't have the silver bullet here, but I have to think that the team name has already been selected in this case, and the name-the-team contest is merely the vehicle to generate qualified ticket sales leads for the team.

So in honor of the horror that could be the Bowling Green Cave Shrimp, I now make my return to half-mock/half-provide strategic answers for any team and/or sponsor with their sports marketing plans.

But what do you say?....

"A nutless monkey could do your job."

Why, thank you. For the past 13 months, the nutless monkey I put in charge of the Blography did a fine job of doing nothing. In the coming months, I will be putting my typing hands and my diploma (Mizzou, AP #6 as I type) to the test with the creation of the Active Ballpark Collection, the premier marketplace for buyers and sellers of all things baseball.

Did I mention Active's 20-million strong registered user consumer base? Or did I mention their willingness...er, better yet...desire to improve their sports participation experience with the latest apparel, gadgets and products?

I will highlight the development of this endeavor as it takes form...all while continuing to bring out everyone's A game with detailed analysis of the sports business industry's latest news, trends and top secrets.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Movin' On Up!

The Sparts Marketing Blography is now a featured column on The Business of Sports Network.

You will find the same creative articles (sans the movie quotes) on www.bizofbaseball.com, www.bizoffootball.com, www.bizofbasketball.com, and www.bizofhockey.com.

I will continue to write smaller ideas and analysis on this site, including ideas easily explained through the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, Irwin F. Fletcher, Ty Webb and Dirk Diggler.

Continue to enjoy the Sparts Marketing Blography, and please take a peak at any of The Business of Sports Network sites.

“That's quite a nice little nothing you're almost wearing. I approve."

By Kurt Hunzeker (with some copy points provided by the movie Diamonds Are Forever)

With the 2007 baseball season entering its second week (and due to last week’s snow storms, first week in some markets), the Sparts Marketing Blography is debuting a new weekly feature (we promise) called “Sparts Marketing Blography’s Sports Promotions Made Better,” or SMB’s SPMBs.

We will review the best sports promotion from the week before, how it was executed on-site, the impact to the consumer, the recurring value for the sponsor and any additional press coverage and exposure due to the promotion’s innovation or overall “wow” factor...and then highlight how we would have made the promotion better.

This week’s inaugural SMB SPMB…the St. Louis Cardinals’ Replica Ring Night sponsored by Edward Jones and FSN Midwest, witnessed firsthand last Tuesday (April 3) at Busch Stadium.

Before discussing the promotional item itself, one should consider that once the Cardinals broke tradition and announced that the World Series Ring Ceremony would be held prior to the second game of the season, ticket prices in the secondary market (eBay, StubHub, Craigslist, etc.) skyrocketed. From my own personal experience, I locked in bleacher tickets via StubHub at face value. By the time the game started last Tuesday, bleacher seats that list for $16 (single-game only) were fetching in excess of $80-$100…partly because of the Replica Ring Night promotion. That is definitely worth mentioning.

“Well, hardest substance found in nature, they cut glass, suggest marriages, I suppose it replaced the dog as the girl's best friend. That's about it.”

All fans who entered Busch Stadium received a plastic, somewhat cheap-looking replica ring of the real version distributed to Cardinals’ players, coaches, staff, Hall of Famers and announcers in a pre-game ceremony.

The authentic ring consisted of 50 flawless diamonds arranged as a diamond enclosing the stylized “StL” logo (set with 32 rubies mined from Myanmar in Southeast Asia) the Cardinals feature on their home and away caps. Each ring’s jewels consist of four total karats.

No one is officially saying the worth of each ring, but an appraiser in St. Louis recently provided the necessary insurance documentation for a Cardinal executive…and let’s just say the rings are NOT cheap.

But the replica rings are. Cubic zirconium does not look like diamonds, and what was supposed to be the ruby-emblazoned insignia was actually painted plastic.

Some fans kyboshed the idea of keeping the plastic ring “fused” onto the wooden-esque base sporting the logos of both presenting sponsors. Unfortunately, the replica rings’ faulty paint job caused the “gold” to stay on the base while the unattached ring sported a nice “dull” spot where the paint/glue was located.

The other problem with removing the ring from the base centered on de-valuing the economical replica ring. Similar to taking a rare toy out of its original packaging, separating the two pieces completely destroyed any re-sell value for the replica ring in the secondary market.

Sellers hawking replica rings posted inventory upwards of two weeks before the actual promotional night…and potential buyers were bidding like crazy. eBay’s winning auctions averaged around $85 per replica ring (including the always-entertaining subjective value for shipping and handling). That’s why I thoroughly enjoyed two highlights of this promotion:

1) Buyers stood around the gates (both inside and outside Busch Stadium) offering to buy rings from fans for only $20. I equate this to trading a big, shiny nickel for a small little dime with your little brother.

2) Ticket-holders walked into the ballpark, collected their prize, and promptly walked right out. I estimate at least 75 people did this at the left-field gate alone. That says something about either A) the perceived value of the promotion, or B) the perceived cost of attending a game.

Plenty O'Toole: "Hi, I'm Plenty."
James Bond: "But of course you are."
Plenty: "Plenty O'Toole."
Bond: "Named after your father perhaps?"

Based on the somewhat-flawed analytical annual report by My Old Friends, the cost for a family of four to attend a game at Busch Stadium is $209.23, the 7th-highest among all MLB teams. By not spending $209.23 (+$209.23 in savings, minus the average cost per ticket [$28.43, or $113.72 for the group]) and picking up four rings and selling them for the estimated winning auction price of $85 (+$340.00), an enterprising family of four could stand $453.72 richer.

Everything in the previous paragraph is utterly absurd, but so is the sports collectible business.

From the fans’ perspective only, a promotion like this, with a higher value is placed on the giveaway item than on the game itself, could not get any better, right?

Wrong.

(Obviously, the team’s goal by having a “premium” giveaway like this is to attract fans, and their disposable income, inside the ballpark and for the entire game; collecting parking fees, trips to the concession line, souvenir stands and activity centers along the way.)

James Bond: "What do you intend to do with those diamonds?"
Blofeld: "An excellent question. And one which will be hanging on the lips of the world quite soon. If I were to break the news to anyone it would be to you first, Mr. Bond, you know that."

The Replica Ring Night promotion would have set records for press coverage, next-day water cooler discussions and cries of “They did what?” if the Cardinals would have added one little item to the promotional festivities....

A real ring. For one extraordinarily lucky fan in baseball’s most passionate fan base.

Realizing that publicly announcing this (safe-to-say) five-figure wrinkle would incite riots even among religious St. Louisians, the Cardinals would not be able to disclose the Authentic “#1 Fan” Ring until the #1 Fan was in possession of said ring.

As the Vice President of Marketing for the Cardinals, this is how I would pull this off, and the positive press stemming from this diamond-level premium promotion:

1) With the financial help of the night’s sponsors, Edward Jones and FSN Midwest, I would make one extra ring featuring “#1 Fan” on the ring in place of the last name, with the inscription “You won the greatest giveaway ever.”

2) To protect against theft, I would personally hold onto the ring (an in-park safe/safe-deposit box would house the ring) until the winner redeemed his or her lucky treasure.

3) All but one box would contain the replica ring, so fans would not know that we had something else planned for the evening. The winning box would contain a simple message stating: “We had difficulties placing your ring in this box. Please visit Guest Relations on the Lower Concourse to pick up your ring. But hurry, you must pick it up during tonight’s game.”

Now here’s where the “Choose Your Own Adventure” begins. Consider the 75 jackasses that picked up their phony rings (still in a taped cardboard box), only to realize once he or she was home that their giveaway item was still at Busch. This non-fan is not driving back downtown to pick up the ring, considering he/she cannot get back into the ballpark. This scenario could really bring heartache once the cat is out of the bag (more on this shortly).

Then there is the derivative of the preceding setting, and that is the fan who decides to not open the cardboard box until he/she arrives back at home, limiting any possibility of damage or theft. This problem is fixed by making a simple PA announcement asking fans to open their boxes and take out their rings for a ballpark-wide photo opportunity to send to Guinness Record Books, the Baseball Hall of Fame or for an upcoming issue of Gameday Magazine. At least make one effort to get people to look inside.

Finally, Scenario C…you read this cryptic message and ask your friends, family or whoever you came to the game with if they received the same note. When every answer back is “no,” you know something good awaits you at Guest Services. You don’t walk…you run to find out.

I, along with a rather imposing-looking security guard, await you the winner at Guest Services. I am feverishly talking into a walkie-talkie sounding angry and annoyed, but only to play the promotion out to the fullest. We allow you to bring anyone you brought with you to “come with us.”

We escort you through the Cardinals’ executive offices, through the packed Redbird Club, up a private access stairwell…and into promotional sponsor FSN Midwest’s booth, where announcers Joe Buck, Al Hrabosky and Dan McLaughlin patiently wait to announce over-the-air why your ring was not in your box.

At this point, team president Mark Lamping enters holding the same etched glass box each player and employee received with their ring, this time containing the “#1 Fan” ring for you, the oh-so-lucky winner.

With real ring in hand, you pass out, but not before shouting at least one obscenity causing the FSN Midwest truck downstairs to thank the FCC for the 7-second delay rule.

Blofeld: "Right idea, Mr. Bond..."
James Bond: "...but wrong pussy."

For the cost of producing one extra ring, the potential impact for the Cardinals, its fan base and especially the night’s two primary sponsors is enormous, if not, dare I say, exponential?

This fully-integrated promotion would also include the Cardinals’ PR machine to work hand-in-hand with FSN Midwest’s publicity staff and Edward Jones’s PR agency to craft a nationwide distribution list highlighting the never-tried-before promotional giveaway. I guarantee you that every subsequent champion in the other Big Three professional sports leagues would attempt this promotion, or at least a variation of it.

Seriously, a five-figure investment should reap millions of dollars in free advertising and word-of-mouth praise not only in St. Louis, but nationally as well.

In conclusion, I would like to offer my services to the Indianapolis Colts, or this year’s NBA Finals, NHL Stanley Cup and MLB World Series Champions to develop and execute this idea for your fans and your sponsors. You can reach me anytime at kurt at spartsmarketing dot com, or simply visit the Sparts Marketing web site (http://www.spartsmarketing.com/) for more innovative ideas like the FSN Midwest/Edward Jones St. Louis Cardinals “#1 Fan” Authentic Ring Night!

"Puttin' on the foil!"

By Kurt Hunzeker (with some copy points provided by the movie Slap Shot)

We’re droppin’ the gloves and going to work. That’s right, the full Sparts Marketing website is active.

http://www.spartsmarketing.com/

For anyone wanting to get back to the Sparts Marketing Blography, the link is in the right-hand corner.

The Busch Corollary – “How’s your wife and my kids?”

By Kurt Hunzeker (with some copy points provided by the movie Major League)

Since Spring Training is in full swing (figuratively and literally), quoting movies like Major League and Bull Durham will be the norm around here for the time being. And Clew Haywood’s unoriginal rip does illustrate one of sports business’s profound headaches…teams whoring their venues’ naming rights.

“I had no choice. She bet me fifty dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.”

With the price of fielding a team in any sport reaching breaking points for some teams, the idea of “sell anything we can” is not a terrible business decision. I was even tasked by an NHL team to walk through its arena and note all of the “dead space” the team could activate to generate more revenues via added corporate sales inventory.

Why some teams still do not employ LED technology throughout their venues is beyond me. The investment to install the equipment will be repaid almost immediately by selling this new (and expansive) inventory than was available before.

But the most gregarious mistake teams and corporate partners alike make is re-selling of a venue’s naming rights AFTER another corporate moniker was attached to it.

Plain and simple, the new name NEVER sticks. And that equals a tarnished investment.

“The post-game show is brought to you by...Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.”

Because sports business’s New World Order centers on corporate sales, I will call this name changing phenomenon “The Busch Corollary.”

In 1953, August Anheuser “Gussie” Busch, Jr. convinced the brewery’s board of directors to purchase the MLB St. Louis Cardinals. The savvy beer baron sought to change the name of the Cardinals’ home, Sportsman’s Park, to Budweiser Stadium to help advertise the brewery’s signature brand. Baseball’s top executives nixed the idea of having an alcoholic beverage adorn a facility where young fans attended games, but they did allow Busch to rename Sportsman’s Park to Busch Stadium.

The following year, the brewery launched a new brand extension, Busch Beer, as an unsubtle jab at baseball’s no-beer name policy.

But Gussie Busch’s creative thinking did not account for one major problem…Cardinal fans were used to the Sportsman’s Park brand and continued to use it even after the venue switched names. The ballpark’s original given name was Sportsman’s Park, and by God, it was always going to be called that regardless of the owner’s last name or sneaky new beer brand.

Gussie corrected this oversight when construction began on a new Cardinal home in St. Louis’s revitalized downtown business district. Before the cornerstone was placed, the new multi-purpose facility was named Busch Stadium.

From the opening game in 1966 to the ballpark’s demolition in 2005, everyone in Cardinal Nation would head to “Busch” to see their beloved Redbirds.

Before “Busch Stadium II” was reduced to rubble, rumors swirled that Anheuser-Busch would pass on the naming rights for the Cardinals’ new brick ballpark under construction. St. Louis’s traditionalist residents could not fathom watching a game at Pitney Bowes Ballpark or Energizer Field (both locally-based companies).

Baseball in St. Louis meant Baseball at Busch. No one could tell them differently. And thus the birth of The Busch Corollary.

“Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.”

Across America, sports teams and their naming rights holders have fallen prey to The Busch Corollary.

In Houston, the Astros are trying to erase their association with legally-challenged Enron with its new naming rights agreement with Minute Maid. The team even dubbed its new Minute Maid Park as “The Juice Box,” which actually hurts Minute Maid because the name Minute Maid is not attached to the nickname. This all also neglects to highlight the fact that residents still call the ballpark Enron Field because that was the name christened with the new facility, and it is just impossible to erase that from fans’ minds.

San Francisco’s now-named AT&T Park has gone through two name changes since its opening as Pacific Bell Park, aka Pac Bell Park. For those of you scoring at home, that’s three names in the span of seven years; the ballpark opened in 2000. Giants’ fans never called it SBC Park when the Baby Bell merged with its West Coast brethren, and everyone still calls it Pac Bell Park even though the universally-known AT&T re-emerged as the telecommunications giant’s brand in the mid-Naughts.

Oakland’s Coliseum has changed from just the Coliseum to Network Associates Coliseum to the current McAfee Coliseum, while the Athletics’ new home, Cisco Field begins construction later this spring. Fans now know that the “Coliseum” is home, but are looking forward to “Cisco’s” cozy new digs in Fremont.

I could spend pages detailing other examples of The Busch Corollary, and will be highlighting these in the coming weeks as an addendum to this article, or as a separate entry.

The ironic twist to The Busch Corollary is that St. Louis’s other professional sports teams have fallen victim to naming rights switch-a-roos due to selecting poor partners who either A) could not pay the hefty rights fee (the NHL Blues’ naming rights partner Savvis and its executives deciding to spend dollars in New York’s finest gentlemen’s club, Scores), or B) fell victim to a merger/acquisition (the NFL Rams losing longtime airline, TWA, as its primary corporate partner. This latter circumstance is out of the control of the team; the former reflects poorly on the team’s decision-making process.

“Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.”

What will the future bring? Corporate nicknames on sporting venues are here to stay, and with it, The Busch Corollary will continue as well. Teams should try to protect themselves from Savvis and TWA-esque situations, but they also know that sometimes they cannot control the situation and must take things as they come.

It appears that the Atlanta Braves’ Turner Field will be renamed Liberty Field or something new as the team’s ownership changes hands (from Ted Turner’s old friends at Time Warner to Colorado-based Liberty Media). Chattanooga’s Bellsouth Park is now AT&T Field due to the companies’ recent merger. Orlando’s Amway Arena was re-christened during the season, which is a first for a professional facility, and something I pray never happens again.

The lesson learned is that The Busch Corollary’s real burden falls on the subsequent naming rights holder. The supreme value is being the first name associated with a sports venue (see Citi and New York Mets, Lucas Oil and Indianapolis Colts). For the amount of money required for this high-visibility inventory, companies should consider this a devalued investment since the original rights holder will continue to be top-of-mind in the marketplace long after the final piece of signage is permanently removed.

"Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display."

By Kurt Hunzeker (with some copy points provided by the movie Major League)

In the coming weeks, Sparts Marketing will be more than just this namesake Blography, as the official Sparts Marketing website will be more functional every week.

Check out the new site at http://www.spartsmarketing.com. You will be able to see everything Sparts Marketing is and hopes to be: from access to archived SMB posts to conceptual artwork to real-life campaigns brainstormed, developed and executed by Sparts Marketing's award-winning cast.

Sparts Marketing - uniquely fusing sports with the creative arts as it relates to marketing.

"The post-game show is brought to you by...Christ, I can't find it...the hell with it!"

By Kurt Hunzeker (with some copy points provided by the movie Major League)

It is amazing to find out firsthand how many baseball purists are out there in the world, and how many of them are in decision-making positions within prospective sponsors' companies.

"I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees."

For the life of me, I cannot remember ever seeing a Memorandum of Understanding stating that the bullpen car should be buried in time capsule forever. I am actively seeking a presenting sponsor of this long-lost baseball icon and no one seems to be interested in placing their brand on it. Hopefully a forward-thinking soul will gravitate to the idea soon....

"I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent."

Here's a brief glimpse at what else you may see at South Coast League games this summer:

1) Field managers in suits, a la Tom Landry and Pat Riley...potential sponsors include K&G, Men's Warehouse and Macy's

2) Corporate-branded bases and on-deck circles...think Chick-fil-A's cow-patterns on every on-deck circle...or maybe an image of one of Waffle House's famed waffles

3) Corporate patches on uniforms...a Head On sticker could be applied directly to the forehead of all of our helmets

4) High School Prom Night at the Ballpark - tuxedos, dresses, big hair...potential sponsors include After Hours Formalwear, 1-800-Flowers and Jostens.

5) "Hats For Bats" - bring in used sporting equipment and receive a team cap...a perfect fit for Play It Again Sports